Sex after having a baby can have all sorts of issues, Holly Heather’s blog on sex after birth talks through some of the concerns and feelings you may encounter. However, one thing that often is not mentioned is the logistics of sex whilst co-sleeping (room-sharing) with your baby.
The NHS advise co-sleeping, sleeping with your baby in your room, for at least the first six months of your baby’s life to protect from the risk of SIDS, and this can make sex a little more tricky.
First things first.
Can you have sex in the same room as your baby?
Yes, you can. If you feel comfortable doing so you can have sex in the same room as your baby. Maybe that’s an odd thought for new parents, but seriously unless you wake them they won’t notice, and if they do wake up they certainly won’t understand or be distressed (well, no more distressed than they ever are when they wake), and you will be on hand to resettle them. So, if you feel most relaxed about having sex in your own bed with the baby on hand in their Moses basket, bedside crib or cot, GO FOR IT!
But the baby is in the bed!
OK, so if you are actually bed-sharing, where your baby sleeps on the same sleep surface as you, then that can make things more tricky. Depending on the size of the bed, you need to make sure the baby is safe, and you may find you are more relaxed somewhere else. So what about the floor? Cushions, blankets, and duvets can make for a cosy love nest.
Are you at a stage where your baby naps or sleeps for periods of the evening in a different room?
If you are happy to leave your baby for a little while then
- A spare bed?
- The sofa?
- The bath?
- The shower?
- The kitchen table?
- The washing machine?
Imagine you are back in the brand-new stage of a relationship, before you had kids. Where did you have sex then? Is there anything stopping you? You only had sex in the bed back then? Well, maybe now is your time to try somewhere a bit different. Talk to your partner. If you are both willing to try it, then do.
If your bed is the only place you feel most comfortable then that is OK. Gentle and quiet is fine. It is more than possible to have sex in the same room as the baby without waking them, although I have no magic solution to guarantee it!
Do what works for you. If you feel anxious, talk about it with your partner. Think about it. Is it something you can get over, or get around?
Sex isn’t the be all and end all of relationships but it can be a key part. As with all ways of finding time for romance, communication can definitely be key!