Happy New Year to all of our customers! We are posting every day but taking a break with our families so may be slower to respond to emails Dismiss

Log in / Sign in
Login Register

Lost password ?

Please select all the ways you would like to hear from us

Your personal data will be used to support your experience throughout this website, to manage access to your account, and for other purposes described in our privacy policy.

0 (£0.00) 0
Shopping cart (0)
Subtotal: £0.00

Checkout

Free shipping over £25

  • Hire More Than Just Slings
    • Hire A Sling
    • The CalmFamily Free Stretchy Postal Hire Scheme
    • All About The Wrap Club
      • Firespiral Slings Try Before You Buy
      • Ali Dover Try Before You Buy
      • Sycha Slings Try Before You Buy
      • Rowan Bay Try Before You Buy
    • Membership of It’s a Sling Thing
    • Book a One To One Consultation
    • Frequently Asked Questions
    • Terms and Conditions of Hire
  • Buy More Than Just Slings
    • Buy A Sling
    • Try Before You Buy
    • CalmFamily Shop
    • CalmFamily Workshops
    • Book a One To One Consultation
    • Bargain Corner
    • Buy Babywearing Coats
    • Buy Accessories
    • Shipping, Returns, Payment Plans and Other Policies
  • CalmFamily Shop
    • CalmFamily Shop
    • The CalmFamily Free Stretchy Postal Hire Scheme
    • CalmFamily Workshops
    • Book a One To One Consultation
  • Sling Information
    • Help Me Choose A Sling
      • What’s the ‘Best’ Sling for a Newborn?
      • What’s the ‘Best’ Sling for a Toddler?
      • Carrying In The Cold – How Can I Keep My Baby Warm?
      • Keeping Cool When Carrying In Summer
      • Book a One To One Consultation
    • Does My Sling Fit OK?
    • All About…
      • All About Meh Dais
      • All About Buckle Carriers
      • All About Podaegis
      • All About Onbuhimos
      • All About Stretchy Wraps
      • All About Ring Slings
      • All About Woven Wraps
    • Video Resources
    • Manufacturer’s Instructions
    • Customer Reviews
    • Frequently Asked Questions
  • Sling Safety
    • Sling Safety
    • Stretchy Wrap Safety
    • Manufacturer’s Instructions
  • Blog
  • Contact
  • All About It’s A Sling Thing
    • Inclusivity Policy
Menu Categories
  • Hire More Than Just Slings
    • Hire A Sling
    • The CalmFamily Free Stretchy Postal Hire Scheme
    • All About The Wrap Club
      • Firespiral Slings Try Before You Buy
      • Ali Dover Try Before You Buy
      • Sycha Slings Try Before You Buy
      • Rowan Bay Try Before You Buy
    • Membership of It’s a Sling Thing
    • Book a One To One Consultation
    • Frequently Asked Questions
    • Terms and Conditions of Hire
  • Buy More Than Just Slings
    • Buy A Sling
    • Try Before You Buy
    • CalmFamily Shop
    • CalmFamily Workshops
    • Book a One To One Consultation
    • Bargain Corner
    • Buy Babywearing Coats
    • Buy Accessories
    • Shipping, Returns, Payment Plans and Other Policies
  • CalmFamily Shop
    • CalmFamily Shop
    • The CalmFamily Free Stretchy Postal Hire Scheme
    • CalmFamily Workshops
    • Book a One To One Consultation
  • Sling Information
    • Help Me Choose A Sling
      • What’s the ‘Best’ Sling for a Newborn?
      • What’s the ‘Best’ Sling for a Toddler?
      • Carrying In The Cold – How Can I Keep My Baby Warm?
      • Keeping Cool When Carrying In Summer
      • Book a One To One Consultation
    • Does My Sling Fit OK?
    • All About…
      • All About Meh Dais
      • All About Buckle Carriers
      • All About Podaegis
      • All About Onbuhimos
      • All About Stretchy Wraps
      • All About Ring Slings
      • All About Woven Wraps
    • Video Resources
    • Manufacturer’s Instructions
    • Customer Reviews
    • Frequently Asked Questions
  • Sling Safety
    • Sling Safety
    • Stretchy Wrap Safety
    • Manufacturer’s Instructions
  • Blog
  • Contact
  • All About It’s A Sling Thing
    • Inclusivity Policy
Cart (£0.00) 0
Log in / Sign in
Articles

Sex After Birth

A guest blog from Holly Heather

Patience. Communication. Lube.

Hopefully all self explanatory, if a little ambiguous.

Don’t even begin to contemplate getting back in the saddle until you have all three of them on the table.

It can be a truly terrifying proposition to even be thinking about after giving birth- whether by vaginal or surgical means- there’s been a pretty huge recent event going on in your nether regions and whether it takes you days, weeks, months or years to feel ready, I promise you, one day you will.

I can remember going for coffee with another new mama friend who’d revealed they’d got back to it pretty quickly. Horrified that I was somehow being a shitty wife by not performing, I’d rushed home to attempt a seduction that evening.

I wimped out.

Like a high school virgin determined to lose it by prom, I’d somehow decided I needed to be having sex again BEFORE I went for my 6 week check.

Don’t ask me where the hell I’d picked that up from, but I was young, I was naive and I hadn’t quite birthed my rebellious, down with the system, anarchist wolf-mother self yet.

Now I can’t speak for anyone else, but my first born’s entrance into this world was fast and effective and left me with a beautiful vaginal tear that needed stitches. I’ve never had stitches before. I was simultaneously proud and horrified of this badge of honour.

The thought of looking at them with a mirror left me cold and nauseous so it fell to my husband to regularly check them and make sure they were healing correctly. He’s a carpenter, not a doctor- he had no idea what he was really looking for.

The vulnerability took me by surprise.

I’d always been quite comfortable with my naked body but the leaking porn boobs, butchered vag and weird textured tummy were more than I could cope with all at once.

(The porn boobs. Let me quickly digress. It’s nature’s cruel joke. You get given the most incredible, huge, epic tits of your entire life; yet you also get handed a ravenous newborn who has no frigging idea what they’re doing, shreds your nipples and creates you the most fantastic over-supply that when they finally latch correctly, your other boob proceeds to pour milk all over your clothes, bed, sofa and shoots halfway across the room in the process. That was quite a shock to the system for me!)

It took a long time to get comfortable with my changing body and accept that it was still beautiful and attractive. Let’s be perfectly frank here- for many women that’s a lifelong battle.

Trying to pick a moment where you are both in the mood, where you have plenty of time on your hands for build up and relaxing in to things, and the baby is definitely going to stay asleep is laughable.

Ideally you want to be as relaxed and turned on as possible, but twenty minutes of sensual cunnilingus (Oh my god I HATE that word. It’s so damn unsexy!!!), oral stimulation, is a luxury when the ticking time bomb might fill their nappy and wake themselves up at any given moment.

Both being aware that it is very possible that “I’m ready” can instantly turn into “Nope, nope nope!!”

and that clear conversation, positional changes and a lot of lube are probably necessary not just for that first time, but also indefinitely.

You might find that previously enjoyed positions now hurt like fuck; toys, tongues and fingers aren’t doing it quite like they used to; and being handcuffed to a bed is vastly unappealing when time is of the essence.

I’ll repeat again: Patience. Communication and Lube.

It might take you a long time before your sex life returns to its former glory.

It might be that your hormones are so up the creek that it takes much longer than you ever expected.

It might be that there are A LOT of conversations that need to happen.

There, unfortunately, is no “normal” sex life after children- you find what works for you.

Now, I mentioned earlier that at some point during my first year of motherhood, I birthed my rebellious, down with the system, anarchist wolf-mother self. There was a time when I was suddenly filled with white hot burning RAGE at how badly women are treated. I started seeing it everywhere- in the birth stories of friends, the sabotaged feeding journeys, the conversations about going back to work, the media-engineered “mummy wars” they’ll have you believing we are all fighting.

Nothing angered me as much as reading an article written by a well known, childless, baby “expert” who suggested that new mothers suck it up, lie back and think of England, and do so for the good of their marriages and their poor long suffering husbands.

So as long as you’re not listening to that bollocks, you’ll be grand.

About The Author

Holly Heather is a self proclaimed oversharer, proud single mother of two daughters and teacher of all things pregnancy, birth, baby and beyond. She lives and teaches in West Sussex and you can find more of her adventures in parenting on Facebook as Holly Heather- Growing Humans. 

Tags: birth, parenting, postnatal, sex
Share Post
Being A ‘Good’ (en...
A black woman with straight dark hair is holding her black curly haired daughter and they are both smiling. Text over the top reads Being A Good (Enough) Mum
25 Things to do whilst you&#82...

About author

About Author

Emily Taylor

Other posts by Emily Taylor

Related posts

Articles
Read more

5 Things We Do Instead of Elf On The Shelf

November 30, 2020 / 559 / 0
... Continue reading
Articles
Read more

Carrying The Christmas Spirit

November 30, 2020 / 409 / 0
... Continue reading
Articles
Read more

Confessions of a Pushchair Using Sling Consultant

July 22, 2020 / 234 / 0
... Continue reading
Articles
Read more

Sex and Cosleeping

February 4, 2020 / 2347 / 0
... Continue reading
Articles
Read more

Sex In Pregnancy – Fuck Yes, or Fuck That

February 4, 2020 / 2502 / 0
... Continue reading

One Comment

  • Emily Fackrell

    February 1, 2019 - 9:05 pm

    Couldn’t agree more with everything you say here. Good solid advice. After my first I was terrified and completely not interested and I wanted to be but I wasn’t. I asked my GP whether it was normal to lose you sex drive for a whole year and she advised me to just do it anyway for my husband’s sake. I WAS LIVID and really shocked. Needless to say, my husband was not pressuring me at all and was mortified at her disturbing advice. We decided the physical intimacy didn’t need to be sex and vowed to “make out” like 14 year old for a while without any possibility of sex. This made the world of difference and eventually led to happy lube fuelled sex. Of my four children my first took the longest to get back from but communication is definitely key.

    Reply to comment

Leave a reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Support It’s A Sling Thing

If you’d like to support us further why not buy us a coffee?

The Sling Thing

Subscribe to our regular email on all things parenting and slings and save 10% on your order

* indicates required

What can we contact you about?

You can unsubscribe at any time by clicking the link in the footer of our emails. For information about our privacy practices, please visit our website.

We use Mailchimp as our marketing platform. By clicking below to subscribe, you acknowledge that your information will be transferred to Mailchimp for processing.

Blog Categories

  • 12 Days of Tip-Mas
  • About Renting
  • Articles
  • Birth
  • Book of the Month
  • Customer Reviews
  • Getting Started
  • How To
  • News
  • Reviews
  • Your Carrying Story

Tags Cloud

Adaptable Adjustable benefits birth birth preparation breastfeeding buckle carrier Buckle carriers caboo calmfamily carrying christmas cold weather customer dads Ergobaby family fathers forward facing Getting Started hot weather mental health newborn new year parenting perinatal mental health pnd postnatal depression pregnancy rape review Safety sex slings Spotlight stretchy wrap tip toddler travel travelling tula Twin Carrier twins Twin Sling using

Contact Us

Email: care@itsaslingthing.co.uk

Phone: 01133206545

USEFUL LINKS

  • Hire FAQs
  • Terms and Conditions of Hire
  • Shipping and Returns
  • Manufacturer's Instructions
  • Safety

Latest Posts

An introspective look at 2020 and 2021

December 29, 2020 0

Christmas Posting 2020

December 4, 2020 0

2020 Gift Guide from CalmFamily

November 30, 2020 0

Product categories

  • Deposits
  • Half-Buckle Carriers
  • Subscriptions
  • Meh Dai
  • CalmFamily Shop
    • Calming
    • Playing
      • Story Sacks
    • Washing
    • Sleeping
    • Eating
    • Carrying
      • CalmFamily Free Stretchy Hire
    • CalmFamily Bargain Corner
    • CalmFamily Consultants Shop
      • Leaflets
  • Stretchy Wraps
  • Buckle Carriers
  • Bag
  • Clothing
  • Doll Carriers
  • Toy
  • Book
© Created by  8theme - Power Elite ThemeForest Author.

We are using cookies to give you the best experience on our website.

You can find out more about which cookies we are using or switch them off in settings.

It's A Sling Thing
Powered by  GDPR Cookie Compliance
Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies so that we can provide you with the best user experience possible. Cookie information is stored in your browser and performs functions such as recognising you when you return to our website and helping our team to understand which sections of the website you find most interesting and useful.

Strictly Necessary Cookies

Strictly Necessary Cookie should be enabled at all times so that we can save your preferences for cookie settings.

If you disable this cookie, we will not be able to save your preferences. This means that every time you visit this website you will need to enable or disable cookies again.

Google Analytics

This website uses Google Analytics to collect anonymous information such as the number of visitors to the site, and the most popular pages.

Keeping this cookie enabled helps us to improve our website.

Please enable Strictly Necessary Cookies first so that we can save your preferences!

Facebook Pixel

This website uses the Facebook Pixel to collect anonymous data about your visit. We may then use this data to create targeted adverts on Facebook and their different platforms. At no point are we able to view any of your personal data collected by the Facebook Pixel.
You may remove targeting in your Facebook Account.

Facebook’s Privacy Policy and Cookie Policy are available for you to review

Please enable Strictly Necessary Cookies first so that we can save your preferences!

Cookie Policy

You can review our Cookie Policy on our Policies page